Kids-- Angels or Devils.

Everyone I know tell me that I should go for another baby, considering that I have two boys. So maybe the next one will be a girl ( and maybe NOT!!), because everyone should have a girl,right? WRONG!!!! Two are enough!! Boys or Girls. Well sometimes they are so sweet that I almost...almost think maybe another one... but then very quickly disaster strikes and well..... !!!! You'd think two small boys... one is 6 and the other is 2... well what can they really do? Don't get me wrong, I do love them with all my heart. They are my life!! But sometimes I do wish I could get some time to myself. Just to sit and relax... not have to do anything ...not even have to think anything.Now my elder one is is Grade 1 and the 2 year old is in playschool. He just started playschool. So its kind of crazy. He's not enjoying it too much after 2 years solely with his life-giver. I waited 2 years because he is diary allergic. So I did not want him to be exposed to all sorts of diet choices. So I took 2 years off from work. But I was going crazy after the first year. I just was itching to get back to work. I am not one of the mothers who can spend hours and hours playing with their little ones ( how do they do it,I wonder..Hats off to them) I can spend 3/4 hours playing with them and then I need a break. After 2 years, I was almost running back to work . But then my son started his tantrums in school and the guilt started coming on. Was'nt I being selfish to my baby? Its not about me once I become a parent, right? Its always the children, right? Maybe I should wait another year. But I talked to my family and they would all say, he will outgrow this stage. Give him time. Things will get better. So now I am waiting for things to get better in playschool. I don't know that what I am doing is right. But maybe my family is right. Its just a matter of time. With my elder son, it was easy. He loved playschool. When I would go to take him back home, he would look at me like why am I there so early?!! So I enjoyed my work too. But for now....... I'm playing the waiting game.

Friends!!!

When we are at school and college friends are our priority. We live our lives like they tell us to Such important people. If our parents do have the gall to criticise them then its battle at home but afterwards do all of them really keep in touch and have the same feelings? Not really,I think. I had a friend, closest to my heart since my Pre degree days. We were so close would share evrything in life. Everything. We'd meet in college and then when we reached back we would again telephone each other and again talk for around 1 hour or so. Then what happened? well marriage,I guess. I got married first and left the country. But we still kept in touch. I'd call her and still we were close. Then She got married and left the country. She had kids and life became husband and children. Now a days I call her at times and we talk but she is always in a hurry to get back to household chores etc. Well... that's life,I guess!!!

homesickness

Lately I've been thinking a lot about home. How much I miss everyone there. Its only when you are out of your country that you begin to understand the depth of feeling that you have for your home. When I was in college I would be the one to vociferously exclaim that I would defenitely be going out.. who wants to stay in this sleepy old town etc.... Now, I just wish I were at home. The one image that i get often now is that of one day when I was coming back home after tuitions . It was dusk. The evening light was just about fading and all was quiet. As I was walking into the house, I could hear my mother singing an old malayam song and when I looked in through the window, I could see my father reclining on a chair and reading the newspaper, my brother and sister were talking about something earnestly and that image, so calm, so tranquil is something that I could never capture afterwards. A feeling of love for all of them just swept me. Now all of us are in different places, married with kids, going through the hassles of life... no time for anything much anymore. I feel nostalgic. I was always close to my parents and my sister and my brother. We all were close to each other. Still are!!! When I think of all the sacrifices that our parents made for us, I realise that there will never be enough that we can do for them that will begin to repay all that they did for us. But now they live alone at home, with all their kids away in far places. Of course they are very happy that we are all doing so well in life. After all they sacrificed so much for this but....... I just think of their life alone. Nothing to look forward to. No grandchildren running and coming to hug them except for the yearly visit.No one to talk to. Always waiting for the phone to ring so they know that we remembered them. I wonder is all our sucess and prosperity worth this?or am I being unpractical? This is life is what my husband tells me but I wonder....!!!!!

my first blog

hi everyone,
i'm new to the blogging community. I've always wanted to blog but till now never found the time(or so I kept telling myself). Recently a friend who gave birth to her 2nd child (and who is a seasoned blogger) again started writing and I thought to myself that the excuse that I am too busy will not work anymore. People who are busier than me are doing this so I'm taking the plunge now. Now I'm wondering what to write. Since I'm not getting anything I'll sign off now and come back when my creative self emerges. Ciao....